Questions

This question just popped up on my hulu screen, after what must have been several hours of my Downton Abbey Season 2 Marathon. I didn’t realize websites were written with so much cheek these days. Goodness. Regardless, Hulu’s snotty remark made me realize what I was doing, and stop. The interrogative tense has a habit of doing that. Sometimes, we are questioned about subjects that we are too frightened to face and question ourselves. Sometimes, on the other hand, questions are just stupid or ironic.

“Are you pregnant?” -I was asked that question just this week. Obviously, the answer was a quick NO. In any other circumstances, this question would have been rude and inexcusable. However, I was lying on an X-ray table, about to get pictures taken of my knee. Therefore, I was not offended when the tech questioned me.

“Do you play volleyball?” -I was asked this question twice this week. Once, by the X-ray tech, after he asked me to scoot up on the table because I was too tall. No, Mr. Xray, just because I’m tall, that does not mean I’m athletic. Second, by a Fresh-and-Easy employee (for all of you southerners, F&E isn’t a hair salon, it’s a grocery store). And, no, Mr. Fresh, just because I’m tall and I now wear this dorky knee brace, that does not mean I’m athletic.

“They call you Fried Chicken?” -Again, Mr. Fresh with the witty questions. My zeta jersey has, “Fried Chicken,” on the back where the name should be. This is funny for many reasons, and you are welcome to ask me about them some time.

“Do you guys have a value menu?” -Every customer ever. I laugh when I hear this question. I work at Chick-Fil-A: the mini cooper of fast food. We have a lot of good qualities, but bargain is not one of them. You wanna know where the dolla menu at? Well, try the kids IceDream cone. 1.5 oz of soft serve for about a dolla. holla.

“Is that chicken sausage?” This morning, the customer was asking about a breakfast item, and was inquiring about the sausage. I’m sorry, but what the what is chicken sausage? Is that even a thing? If so, it should cease to be a thing. Chicken sausage my foot. We serve Jimmy. Freaking. Dean. If you want chicken sausage, go try some McDonalds Chicken McNuggets. I’m pretty sure they’re even on the value menu.

“Do you like my outfit? I’m a cow! Moo!” This quote requires a bit more explanation. Today, I had just finished taking the order of one of the crankiest women I have ever known. Once she had finished paying, she turned right around into one of the Cow Appreciation Day Participants (someone who dressed like a cow so they could get free chick-fil-a). Only, this participant was not ordinary. Is there an ordinary cow-human? I don’t know. But this was a 20 year old woman (I use that word loosely), dressed in her bikini, and painted (head to hoof) in white and black. A true heifer. And here I was, witnessing the face-off between the stereotypical old woman and the stereotypical party girl. Some questions should not be asked. Some questions should not be answered. This was one of them.

“How do you feel about it?” I have been asked many other questions this week. Some of them I have forgotten. Some of them are too important for the likes of you. Lol. Jk. This post doesn’t have as much of a point as I would like, but then, I guess questions don’t always have a clear point either. They can be open ended, just prodding for more information. Testing the water. Defining and discovering. Sometimes we are asked questions that we do not like to answer, like, “Why did you run over my puppy?” Sometimes we must ask questions that we do not want to hear the answer to, like, “Does this dress make me look fat?” Sometimes we must ask questions that will make us look stupid, like, “How do you spell psychology?” But, in the end, questions must be asked, and questions must be answered. We can’t hide from the truth.

So, how do you feel about it? And, also, are you pregnant?

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One thought on “Questions

  1. Everything about this. I could not stop laughing, thank you. I just got the value-menu question this week too! Makes me laugh every time.

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